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A labor and delivery nurse once taught me that trust isn't built in the moments when people need encouragement most. It's built in all the small moments that come before. Whether you're leading a team, serving customers, or raising a family, the trust you need tomorrow is built through your presence today.
What do you do when you need someone to give more than they think they have left?
Not because they're unwilling. Because they're tired. Frustrated. Discouraged. Maybe even ready to quit.
I was talking with a labor and delivery nurse a while back and asked her a question I'd wondered about for years.
"What do you say to a mom who has been in labor for nineteen hours? When she's exhausted and convinced she can't do it anymore, what are the words that finally help her find the strength to keep going?"
The nurse smiled and gave me an answer I wasn't expecting.
"It isn't about what I say. By that point, she's been with me all shift. She trusts me."
I've never forgotten that conversation.
At first, I thought it was a lesson about nursing. Over time, I realized it was a lesson about leadership, engagement, parenting, coaching, friendships, and just about every important relationship in our lives.
We spend a lot of time looking for the right words. We read articles about engagement. We attend leadership workshops. We search for the perfect way to motivate people, inspire people, or help people through difficult situations. We convince ourselves that if we can just find the right message, everything else will take care of itself.
But more often than not, the words aren't the difference maker.
The relationship is.
I'm not against engagement programs. Quite the opposite. Recognition programs matter. Pulse surveys can help. Professional development matters. Honest communication matters. Team events, stay interviews, wellness initiatives, and volunteer opportunities all have value. I've seen every one of those things make a positive difference.
What I've also seen is organizations invest significant time and energy into great programs and then wonder why the results never seem to match the effort.
The reason is simple.
No program can compensate for a lack of trust.
If people don't believe their leaders genuinely care about them, recognition feels hollow. If employees don't believe anyone will act on their feedback, surveys become another box to check. If trust isn't there, even the best ideas struggle to gain traction.
People don't respond to programs nearly as much as they respond to people.
The older I get, the more convinced I am that trust is built in remarkably ordinary moments.
It's built in the hallway conversation when you stop and really listen. It's built when you remember something someone told you weeks ago and ask about it later. It's built when you show up without an agenda. It's built when you admit you made a mistake. It's built when you give someone else credit, especially when nobody would have noticed if you hadn't.
None of these moments seem particularly important at the time.
They don't show up on a dashboard. They aren't part of a strategic plan. Nobody writes them into the annual report.
But those small moments add up. They create a reservoir of trust that becomes invaluable when difficult moments arrive.
When the organization is going through change.
When a customer is frustrated.
When a team is stretched thin.
When a family is facing uncertainty.
When a leader needs people to take one more step forward.
That's usually when we discover whether trust exists or not.
One of the most important lessons I've learned over the years is that connection comes before commitment.
Whether you're leading a team, serving customers, coaching a softball team, raising children, or volunteering in your community, people are far more willing to take the next step when they know you genuinely care about them. Trust doesn't magically appear when you need it. It's built through consistent presence long before the difficult moment arrives.
That labor and delivery nurse wasn't relying on a script. She wasn't searching for the perfect phrase. By hour nineteen, she had already done the hard work. She had spent hours building trust through a hundred small interactions that most people would never notice.
That's what engagement really is.
It's not a score.
It's not a survey.
It's not the latest leadership trend.
It's a track record of showing up, caring, listening, and investing in people long before you need anything from them.
So here's the question I've been thinking about this week:
Who in your life needs more of your presence right now, before they need your encouragement later?
Every team, leader, and organization has room to grow. If you’d like to continue the conversation, let’s connect.
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